Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.
But I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work, and I’m trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but I changed it.
I’m getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

And I’m done hoping that we can work it out,
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I’m done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same, 
but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

Doesn’t happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by, 
And you realize you haven’t cried.
I’m not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer.
I’m busy getting stronger.

And I’m done hoping that we can work it out,
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I’m done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same, 
but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you baby,
I’m better off without you baby,
How does it feel with out me baby?
I’m getting stronger without you baby.

And I’m done hoping that we can work it out,
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I’m done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same, 
but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay,
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

I’m just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger. 

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then i have a check-up with my psychiatrist. 

i have new meds to take; maybe they’ll work.

maybe they won’t because they never do.

i’m tired. why am i always so tired?

no matter what i do, i’m tired. super tired.

so i went with my dad and sisters and when it was my turn, he kicked them out and i told him how i was feeling and everything. he suggested that i get committed. the only problem is that my mom needed to sign the papers and she wasn’t home and she doesn’t think i should be committed. she thinks i am suffering from a broken heart. she thinks that’s the problem. she thinks that is why i am depressed.

my heart is just fine. sure, it’s a little battered and bruised, but i’ve been like this for as long as i can remember. i’ve always felt like an outcast; i’ve always felt alone. i’ve always imagined killing myself and it has nothing to with anyone but myself. sure, the world adds to it, but it doesn’t mean it’s their fault. it’s just a chemical imbalance in my brain. that’s all.

but my mom called brittney and blamed her. she told her that it was her fault. she told her that everything was her and that she didn’t want her here. then she lied to brittney and me, saying we each said things that we didn’t.

then my mom called my doctor and he talked to her and he wants me coming back tomorrow for more evaluation.

and i just talked to her again. and she’s talking about an intervention. about taking my laptop, phone, ipod, and everything because apparently that’s what is making me like this. how can she be my mother and not realize those are the only things keeping me alive? and she doesn’t care. she doesn’t fucking care. she’s so set on blaming someone that’s she is blind to everything going on.

i was like this before brittney. this started in fourth grade. i was only nine. so this is no ones fault. it’s just a chemical mishap. 

she makes me want to kill myself. she blames everyone else but she makes me feel like dying most often. it’s her.

Sometimes I have to tell myself to keep on breathing

My heart is not believing you’re gone
I try hard to remind myself time will do the healing
‘Cause right now I’m not feeling all that strong

Everything’s a memory
And they’re taunting me
Just one simple thing
And I’ll break down and cry

Why I wanna scream it’s just not fair
Pray to god I didn’t care
I wanna turn back time
Turn back time and have you here with me
I want to find someone to blame
But sometimes life gets in the way
And it doesn’t care how much we love
‘Cause sometimes love is just not enough

Oh we took a chance we gave it all we had and couldn’t make it
It didn’t work for all the times we tried
No matter how we loved, it seemed the odds were stacked against us
Now we have to live our separate lives

Well I’m not ready yet
Too much to forget
Oh it still feels like
A part of me is dying

Why I wanna scream it’s just not fair
Pray to god I didn’t care
I wanna turn back time
Turn back time and have you here with me
I want to find someone to blame
But sometimes life gets in the way
And it doesn’t care how much we love
‘Cause sometimes love is just not enough

Sometimes love is just not
How come love is just not
Enough